I have always wanted to be liked. Growing up feeling unworthy and afraid to be unloved I would try to be a chameleon to make other people like me no matter what. My self worth was attached to other peoples opinions.
Then slowly I started to be less worried about what other people thought and more about what I thought. Did I like myself? Did I feel comfortable in my own skin? Is it ok when someone gives you a backhanded comment to just sit back and say nothing or was I reliving trying to please everyone?
I took my daughter to a fun event one weekend and we were having a great time. I ran into someone that when I started my first business I had seen friction there and tried my best to diffuse it. To be where I am now I have failed at many things and have just continued to learn and grow from the experiences but mainly try to do what is right and not hold any negativity towards anyone. Getting back to the event, I saw this individual I had sensed did not particularly prefer my company if you know what I mean. He walked up, I shook his hand and then he made a back handed comment about the way I looked.
In this moment I paused and checked in with what was actually taking place. The old people pleaser in me wanted to “make it right” or try and diffuse the situation but that place of calm confidence just smiled and said nothing and moved forward.
What is interesting is I had 5 other people at the event that were extremely positive, genuinely happy to see me and saying how I sharp I looked and calming my presence was. Yet the 1 in 5 is what I was focusing on. Man why cant that guy like me, does he have no chill? What is wrong with him? All this nonsense about him and then I read a blog by my coach and it said “Your not here to be liked.” Fuuucckkkk, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Who was this magical computer wizard that sent me this right now! What was happening here? (insert laughing emoji, I don’t know how the hell to do it)
I sat with this later in the week and realized not only do I not have to be liked by everyone, but when people show up in my life that I perceive as negative, they are actually here to teach me and help me step into my power. Let’s break that down.
If I go about it the old way I will constantly be on this white water rapid of emotions from other poeples perspective of me. Now, if I look at these situations like they are helping me see I am being my truth, speaking my truth and acting fearlessly then they build me up. So when a perceived negative situation comes in I check if there is actual danger behind the situation (Is this guy secretly a zombie trying to eat my brains, no of course not) then I move forward and think how can this make me trust myself and be myself more.
When someone does not prefer you or how you are it can be a great tool to be happy you are being yourself and a great way to check in if you are trying to please everyone.
Last when this happens, look at the day not 1 interaction of it. Did you interact with 5 other people and it went great? Then good job, you are being an awesome human! Did you interact with 5 other people and there was tension? Ok then you either are an asshole or you are in the wrong crowd.
When we grow life gives us a compass of interactions to see where to continue in our direction. Use this as a way to build yourself and not break you down. Be the calm in the chaos and see how you are the only one that needs to really enjoy yourself.
